Have a little boy they said. It'll be so much fun they said. They never warn you about getting pissed on every time you change his diaper though. Now I know why my wife won't shower with me anymore.
My son pissed on me ONCE. Right after he was born, they gave him a warm bath, wrapped him in a towel, and handed him to me. Immediately he pissed.
I changed his diaper at least as often as his mother, and while he got her, he never got me again.
There’s a simple technique:
1) Unfold new diaper BEFORE you unwrap the old one
2) lay it on the table under the child
3) pull out wipes, position several of them at the corner of the changing table
4) unwrap stanky diaper, using the upper edges to make first wipe if there’s poop
5) grab ankles and lift up, while wiping the kids’ bottom, using as many wipes as necessary. Place these used wipes inside the dirty diaper.
6) move dirty diaper aside, folding the dirty sides toward themselves, exposing the new diaper underneath. Quickly wrap up the child with the new diaper.
7) return focus to used diaper, folding it in upon itself and using the adhesive tabs to wrap it onto a toxic little burrito from hell.
8) dispose of burrito from hell in a Kroger bag, tied up to keep the demons from getting loose.
All of this should take 15-20 seconds.
If the child begins to piss, flip either the used diaper or the new diaper over the child.
Then let them continue playing with their hand grenades and flame throwers.