Feelin' a bit petty

[Verticoli]

Mrs. V. has been gone over 3 weeks now. It's sad. I've had the same job, same hospital, for 19 years. Many folks have been to my house for parties, BBQs, (2 this year), etc, and I've at times catered food for the crew on special occasion, whatever. I single handedly painted my boss's house inside and out before he got this job. Everybody there knew Polly. She was a patient for 11 nights before she went to hospice. So, do you think someone in management would shake my hand, look me in the eye, say something, a card from my peeps, anything? No. Me? I always signed the card and threw a twenty in the hat, no matter what was up. What goes around comes around, Right?

Oh well, just venting, I guess.

 

[mukwah]

Don't worry Verti, you will always have your friends here on the forum. Feel free to vent, there will always be an ear to listen, and true friends here to talk to.

 

[redmond]

Ouch. Not right.

Verticoli-

No excuses, but they may not know what to say/do. I've been in my hospital job for going on 38 years and have been on both sides of personal tragedies. In the healthcare field we tend to get a bit hardened to feelings (OK, let's call a spade a spade - we get callous). You are not being petty. Your peeps and coworkers have let you down.

Bottom line is that you are hurting from a terrible loss and need some support as you work through this. We can and will hold you up here, but it is not the same as people you have known for decades. May I gently suggest that you talk to a trusted friend or pastor or chaplain or whatever?

Grief is a terrible thing and is a process that takes time. It is a time in our life that we need someone close by to lean on a bit.

 

[yz9890]

Hopefully you're just reading it wrong. Sometimes I wonder if there comes a time when a person would rather not have it brought up anymore so I hesitate to say anything. Maybe they're walking on egg shells because they don't know "where you're at" with it all. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to grab a friend by the arm and tell him/her if you're having a hard time adjusting and need help. I'll bet they're all thinking about it still but don't know how or if to approach it with you outside of a memorial service.

You're not being petty. You just got ripped in half. Many people have no concept of what that means.

Do your best to enjoy the holiday.

-Jeff

 

[Sontag_Shooter]

I can't give any advice as good as what's already been given here.

But please know that you always have a shoulder to lean or cry on here.

Deepest condolences, my friend.

 

[Kokopelli]

Something similar happened to me with the birth of my first child. Every time anything came up for others the hat and the card was passed within the entire department. When my time of need came, there were no cards, gifts for my son, offers of meals nothing.. and he was in ICN for over four weeks or so. It traumatized me such that I never gave money of signed a card again. That's been 29 years too. Sad, yes, cruel, yes, uncalled for NO.. JMO.. Ron

 

[lws380]

I worked at a place for about 27 years and decided to leave for various reasons. I knew most of the people in my area and most very well after working with them day in and day out for 27 years. After I left, the vast majority pretty much lost contact. I keep in touch with a very select few and most of that was on my doing. I realized my very best friends and family are the ones that you want to hold close to you. They will be the ones that help you and make a difference in your life. I have some high school friends that I have known for 45 years and one of them is my best friend. You know the kind of guy that knows what I'm going to say next and knows my thoughts and I know his next words and how he thinks. Those type of friends and family are the ones to count on.

I also agree that many do not know what to say or are afraid they will say the wrong thing. Stay strong and hang in there. Some bereavement counseling will not hurt you!

 

[Verticoli]

Thanks to all.

 

[Denny4kids]

Verticoli, It's a bummer you feel this way. I pray you turn these feelings around. It might take a while longer but soon you will look up and see the Lord is still shining his light on you. Your peace and joy will return my brother.

I don't think your coworkers are avoiding you. Some may want to talk about it but don't know how or if you want to. Especially for example if in passing by they ask you how's it going and you say oh fine or great. Maybe to the right person you can tell them how you feel. Polly has only been to her new home for three weeks. People may think they have to wait for you to reach out to them. They will come around. You'll see.

A bereavement group my help you and even others in the group as you all share the changes in life.

May the Lord with his peace and joy be with you. Dennis

 

[rayzer007]

Don't worry Verti, you will always have your friends here on the forum. Feel free to vent, there will always be an ear to listen, and true friends here to talk to.

+1

Ray

 

[framedcraig1]

Sorry vert..this is a tough time. I'm sure that thoughts about Polly are always in your mind. I'm sure that the last thoughts are about her as you...try....to go to sleep. Take the best memories that you have of..and with her...and make a fortress within you heart for her. I 'm so very sorry for your loss.. but passing time does help. You will never forget her...but it will get a little better each day. we are here for you. And will always be... Blessings on you and your daughter this Christmas season. When you read this...smile. Polly will see....and smile back.

 

[Verticoli]

A million thanks to all, it's a better day today. I'm gonna eat, play tennis, walk dogs, and shoot. I'm just a bundle of raw nerves right now. I think I might be the first male in the history of my families to out live a spouse, fwiw.

 

[3Coyotes]

People just do not know what to do or say in the intensity of grief and then just stay away. Not right, but try not to focus on their shortcomings...

Be thankful for those with the grace to allow and help you to go through the things you must go through now. They are the people you will remember and cherish as the true friends they really are
.
Sometimes it will be a day at a time. Sometimes an hour or a minute.
it is all part of healing.

May you be blessed.

 

[Yogi 117]

Don't worry Verti, you will always have your friends here on the forum. Feel free to vent, there will always be an ear to listen, and true friends here to talk to.

+1

Ray

+2...Yogi 8)

 

[BubbaDX]

Hospitals are a unique place to work. I've had both types of management, the touchy feely types and the cold get-r-done type. Right now I have a pretty good mix of both. I bet they just don't know what to say to you or when to say it. They might be waiting until they think you are ready to talk about it.

 

[bigdogdaddy]

That is pretty sad. Unfortunately we are often so busy with the cares and affairs of this world that we fail to just be a decent human being.

 

[Verticoli]

Well, it is what it is, I guess. I'm such a joker, (can't you tell?), I'm sure it's off-putting when reality rears it's head and true feelings are involved. I'm cool as a cucumber in, well, real life and death situations and I'm also the best pediatric near drown respiratory therapist specialist in the nation. Nobody wants to see me choked up and emotional over a card, I'm sure. Ther are folks in healt care that do jobs nobody else wants to do and I call 'em zombies. That's me. I'm going to have a few meals catered to the crew and the also to the staff that took care of Mrs. V. when she was there and just rise above it all.

 

[mukwah]

Now you're talking Verti! I like that "rise above it all". Mrs. V would be proud!

 

[SkipD]

Now you're talking Verti! I like that "rise above it all". Mrs. V would be proud!

Absolutely....

 

[Yogi 117]

Now you're talking Verti! I like that "rise above it all". Mrs. V would be proud!

+1 to that! Yogi 8)